False World ---> Real World

I realized something today. I think it's something I've known all along but was totally in denial about. There was always a little tug on my heart that this whole social media ordeal was getting a little out of hand in my life. I had recognized it, felt convicted about it, and even considered acting on it...but next thing you know I'm back on Facebook before even thinking twice about it.

Well, that was before...and this is now. I always say at the start of each new stage "this is it, I am going to turn over a new leaf" and all sorts of ideas run through my mind - I'm going to go organic, learn an instrument, learn how to cook, and maybe even pick up crafting or crochet. Then that next stage begins and I get stuck in the same ol rut, wondering what the heck happened to all those big dreams and ambitions.

But today I had a revelation. Often times, our dreams go unrealized because we chose to focus on something else instead. We all know that when we give time to one thing, then we are giving up time to something else. Which is why balance/wholeness is so important a thing to strike in life (and a continual process to master indeed). When I stopped and thought about all the things I'd love to let go of and new things I'd like to embrace in this new stage of life, I began to reflect on what things may stand in my way.

It was today that it hit me the one thing that sucks up SO much of my time. It was a typical study day, I was in the library looking through flashcards and highlighting notes when I took my usual Facebook study break. I mindlessly wandered through the status updates and the various people who were updating me on what food they just ate or song they just listened to...when I came to a photo posted by a girl. It caught my eye because she was with a group of friends and I had to do a double-take, because frankly...it didn't look like her much at all. It was a nice picture and everything, but it just looked nothing like her! So that's when it hit me. I had heard it plenty of times before - that Facebook has turned into a false reality where people allow themselves to fall into social comparison, envy, and mindless gazing. In my sociology class, we talked about social media and isolationism - how in this new age people are ironically "connected" in mutual loneliness. We all talk over our phones or computers, while we sit at home alone. In this ever-connected world, studies show that isolation and depression are rising, number of authentic friendships are declining, and our perception of true reality is becoming more and more distorted.

A few weeks ago our pastor preached on the sin of envy. He gave an example of seeing a photo on facebook of a family on vacation. In the photo, a perfect looking family is smiling into the camera as they all pose with skis in front of beautiful, snow-covered mountains. There we are, sitting at our desks or in our rooms gazing at this perfect looking family and envying their perfect looking life. But what we don't see, are the 10 other photos taken where dad was looking away, the boy picking his nose, and the girl whining about wanting food. Of course, out of all the photos the very best one is chosen and then posted on Facebook. There's nothing wrong with that, but there is a danger to it. We allow ourselves to compare the mundane of our "right now," to the "best" of another; and slowly but surely our appreciation wanes and our envy rises.

Now maybe this is only a problem for me. I've always fallen into social comparison and have had perfectionist qualities, so I'm not going to bash on everyone as if they can't use Facebook in a healthy way. I'll admit there are many things that are wonderful about social media. The original idea of being able to stay connected with distant loved ones or give updates to busy friends was an awesome idea; and it can be a very beautiful communication tool! And of course, as a Corporate Communications major and a future Publicity Coordinator I recognize the true value of networking and marketing that can come from social media.

But for me, it's just become too controlling over my life. When I had my iPhone, I would wake up and before even getting out of bed, would check my e-mail and facebook on my phone. Every few hours I would check for updates. Some nights, I would spend hours messaging people or uploading photos. There were times that I realized I was taking a photo not necessarily to catch the moment, but with the idea that I wanted to do this certain pose or this certain shot SPECIFICALLY with a Facebook status or new cover photo in mind. I don't know, it just seems wrong to me. Social media can be awesome if we have control over it. If we use it to truly connect with those we love and to keep in touch with real friendships. The danger is when social media begins having control over us. When we begin living our lives according to what we want to project in a false world. When we substitute real community for online community. When we compare our real lives with the projected and edited image of others' lives. When we allow hours of our day to go toward sitting infront of a computer mindlessly gazing or comparing instead of actually living and spending time in real relationship.

Like I said, I hate to be a harsh critic - but I am only describing what has happened in my own life and which I have decided has gone too far. I am ending one season of my life, and beginning a new one - in the "real world" and I've decided I want that world to be as real as possible. For me, that means letting go of the false world that I have created through Facebook. I'll be deleting my old one where I have 1200 "friends" and 1000s of photos for everyone to see every detail of my life. Instead, I'll be re-creating a new facebook community and restoring what social media is best used for - updating and staying in touch with those who I am closest to in my life and who would be difficult to speak to outside of face-to-face interaction or phone/e-mail. I will still be updating my blog as I love to write and share revelations - so you can follow me if you want to still read them :) Finally, for those who genuinely want to stay connected with me but who might not be my closest friends or family I love e-mails and have created a new one -- secaldwell@outlook.com - I would love to stay in contact!

The sad thing about all of this, is that even as I type this I continue to have internal objections of deleting my facebook. When I first realized I needed to stop this nonsense I had ALL these opposing thoughts come up in my mind. "Well, it's the new age you have to stay up with the times," "It's your major and future career, you need to keep your presence," "It broadens the scope of influence," "It can encourage others through statuses or messages." So on and so forth. But I realized, despite all those points, that when it comes down to it - all those objections are more of an ideal than a reality. While it would be nice to think I have more control over Facebook then it does over me, I would be kidding myself. I'll still use social media for my future work responsibilities, and to update close friends and family on my new facebook; but this is me taking back control over a powerful force than can so easily become more destructive than beneficial.

In this next stage, I probably still won't "turn over a new leaf" in all the ways that I imagine. But I know this is a step in the right direction. I can now focus more on the fulfillment of real community; become better aware of my real identity apart from it being an edited projection or compared with someone else's; take photos for my enjoyment and not just for social media; and have the time to do those small things I've always wanted to do - like learn how to play guitar, begin crafting, or join a yoga class. The possibilities are endless and I'm excited to live under a rock of old-fashioned, non-social media livin :)

Disclaimer - If you know me at all you know I'm a communicator! If you truly want to stay in touch with me, then I mean it when I say I truly want you to send me your e-mail or number and we can continue to grow and stay updated in real friendship!

I would also encourage you all to reflect on what role social media plays in your life, and how present you are in your day-to-day relationships. Remember, the Lord didn't make social media and anything man-made should definitely be taken with precaution! Judge your actions not by the world's standards but by the standards of Christ who sought authentic relationships and truth and commands us to seek Him as we make our number one aim to lead a life not of online presence, or personal recognition, or gaining acceptance from others; but in growing in righteousness in a way that best serves God and others.

Fruits of the Spirit

So much of life is awareness and response. I've been having really bad chest pains and this morning I was feeling miserable in every way. I dug into the Word but was still feeling down and in pain. I went about my normal routine, getting ready, making breakfast, packing my bag to go to the library...when I heard the Lord telling me to STOP. I wasn't feeling good and I shouldn't just ignore that. I needed to stop to be aware - not just of my own body but of the presence of the Lord in the midst of this hurt. So I laid on my bed and closed my eyes, and it was in this moment when I was able to hear God, feel His presence, and be reminded of the fruits of His Spirit. 

See, when you accept the Lord there should be transformation. We know this, right? When you accept Christ into your heart, He then resides IN you. Your body is made His temple and the Spirit fills you. So, when you hear Christians describe the love and peace that comes in knowing God it's to this reference of God's residence within them. Now, these fruits of the Spirit are definitely much more than just feelings. Trust me, there are many many times that I do not necessarily feel peace or hope, and I know there are many many times that I do not properly extend love or kindness.

So, it was within my moment of awareness before God that I received the revelation that I do indeed have ALL of the fruits of righteousness. I haven't received them by anything I have done or achieved, but simply because of the unconditional love and grace of Christ who has placed His Spirit inside of ME! Phew. What a thought. So if the Spirit resides in me, and His presence is everlasting that means in every circumstance and despite whatever feeling I DO have:

love - joy - peace - forbearance - kindness - 
goodness - faithfulness - gentleness - and self control. 

Praise the Lord! 

So why do we not always see these qualities in believers if they are there? Why do we fail to represent love at times? Or self-control? If the Spirit resides in us and therefore we have these qualities within us - where are they?! 

I imagine a big ol pit in the ground. In the depths of our hearts is the Spirit and the fruits of righteousness, but we often separate ourselves from the Spirit. We pile on all this dirt - junk like shame, hurt, legalism, perfectionism, so on and so forth that buries the Lord far away from us. Then before you know it, we're wondering where the fruit of the Spirit is in our lives OR even in times when we do remember, we become discouraged - for yes that fulfilling fruit of the Spirit is there - we remember it - but it's dug alllll the way down there, under all that dirt; and frankly we're too tired or even too scared to have to dig through it all. 

So we just ignore it. We see the dirt (being our lack of intimacy with the Lord), and we feel the pain that comes from the dirt...but we just go on with our routines. We go to the gym, make breakfast, read our Bibles, go to work or school, spend time with friends, and go to bed. We let the dirt sit there until one day the dirt starts to take a toll. In our routines marked by self-sufficiency and separation from the Spirit, we forget about the fruit of intimacy that comes with knowing the Lord. Then the Lord, out of His compassion and kindness, sees that there MUST be some kind of trigger to pull His child out of this rut called "routine." Whether that comes in the form of illness, or a break up, or loss of a job, or whatever; we are finally brought to an awareness through this trigger that brings us to realize the presence of the Lord - who offers to walk with us to work through all that dirt, who promises the fruit of that Spirit if we turn our eyes from our numbing routines and re-direct ourselves, instead, to discovering a greater intimacy with the Lord and His Spirit. 

Sometimes, it's that first step - just awareness. Awareness that you HAVE the fruits of the Spirit! No you won't always feel it, no it won't always be evident; but when you are aware that these things DO reside in you:

love - joy - peace - forbearance - kindness - 
goodness - faithfulness - gentleness - and self control.

There is then an eagerness to respond. No, I might not feel peace right now - but you know what, I DO have peace. I may fail every day to practice self control, but I DO have self-control. I will fall short in extending love, kindness, and gentleness to myself and others; but I DO have love and kindness and gentleness. 

I DO have these things, for these are the fruits of the Spirit which reside in ME! I am aware of these fruits and I claim these fruits. I am aware that greater intimacy with the Lord allows me to better respond to these fruits in my life, and for others to see them too; so Lord create a response in me. 

I dare you to practice awareness - to stop placing God in a box or a routine. To extend your prayers past meal times and bed time, and communicate with the Lord throughout the entire day. Be aware of His all-encompassing presence within your daily, menial tasks. Respond to the fruits of the Spirit, for God is yearning for you to experience their sweetness.