Friday, February 28, 2014

Human Being or Human Doing?

Well, I just ended my evening sitting around a chimney fire, telling jokes, and knitting with residents. This is my "job," my new life for the next few months. It's crazy to think I've been here only two weeks. The CooperRiis community is so loving and welcoming, I feel like I'm already part of the family here.

My first week was full of life lessons and a growing compassion for people and health. The farm is really beautiful, and I'm on the third floor with a spectacular view of the mountains out my window. With my little chair I face out that direction every morning in solitude and devotion - I am truly grateful.
So I have already experienced many firsts! For the first time the airport lost my baggage, which made for an interesting first few days living off of sample toiletries and clothes from the "free bin." I went snow-tubing for the first time (in Toms y'all, I was not prepared..), learned how to knit (and I'm progressing with less and less "love spots"), and took a shot at archery last weekend (channeled my inner-Katniss of course). There's really no other way to explain my time here so far without using the word "fun." I really am having a blast living here and working alongside residents.
So at the CooperRiis farm, everyone is divided into different crews to take on various responsibilities. There is Kitchen, Garden, Farm, and Campus Crew where workers and residents work side by side throughout the day. For most of my first week I helped out on Campus Crew, a team which helps keep the lodges and facilities clean and tidy. The days flew by and I noticed that much of the daily routine on the farm is focused on "being." While I squeezed oranges alongside a resident who peeled potatoes, scrubbed the shower while a resident wiped the counters, I did so methodically - there was no deadlines, nothing was urgent, there was no ending product that I had to stress about. I was simply being in the moment, building relationships as I worked alongside residents.

One day, as I swept the stairs and mopped it down my mind snapped and I thought "I have a college degree." I realized the work I was doing was comparative to a janitorial position and for a split second the mentality to DO and ACCOMPLISH tried to creep in. We live in a society that SO emphasizes accomplishment and success and money, but I personally desire none of it. I have felt extremely fulfilled the last few days with work that allows me to be fully present in the moment, not caught worrying about the future or the next task. I have been able to be fully engaged in a task that simply needs to be completed, to be fully intentional with the team around me, to be fully embracing every moment. Friends! It has been such a beautiful thing. I think for so long I've been wrapped up in this task-driven mindset that I began to feel less like a human being and more like a human doing. Eventually life had started to feel like a compilation of worthless actions lacking heart or soul or real meaning.

I used to bring this into my faith as well. I want to DO BIG things for God! I want to MOVE MOUNTAINS. I want to ESTABLISH an incredible ministry. But then wait - who have I made it about then? In Matthew, when Jesus talks about the high officials and social hierarchy which aims at authority he tells the disciples that it should not be so with them. INSTEAD, he says

"whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Matt 20:26).

Jesus tells us that we are to be the complete opposite of what society tells us. Rather than aiming for power over others, we are to humble ourselves as their servant.

I was scrubbing floors... and having a Jesus moment, feeling grateful that the Lord had brought me to this place where I found authentic joy in being whatever I needed to be in order to love and serve this community in whatever way it needs it. Cause see, there's a difference between forced service and authentic service. Sometimes, when we feel that WE need to be the ones to do, do, do for others... we get burnt out. Yet when we switch our mentality to surrender to the Lord and simply fall in love with Him, we find that we more easily love others. We begin to genuinely desire to love and serve them.

Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me" (Matt 25:40). 

"Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." (Matt 23:11-12, MSG)

When we serve and love God, the Spirit enables us to serve and love others and see them as made in His very image. As you surrender to the love that God pours into your heart, the outpour of that love will flow to others.

My time here on the farm has been so eye opening! As the Lord works in me, I am reminded of His sovereignty over all my weaknesses and shortcomings. To think He could use me as an outlet for His words and His actions and His love is overwhelming! My desire is that more would come to know the beauty of simply being. I asked myself the other day - if money didn't exist, if society considered all work equally acceptable, if power and success and recognition were completely taken out of the picture...What would I enjoy? How would I use my energy and my time?

Honestly...I don't know. So so much of me has been molded by these things that I have had to stop and reflect on what kind of person God has designed me to be. What talents, skills, traits would I utilize if nothing in society held me back?

The truth is, we can walk in freedom from this world if we choose to. Jesus set us free to have eternal, intimate communion with God, a relationship that unveils our soul's identity and reveals the beautiful design He created within us. I'm still in the process of discovering that design. Sometimes the process hurts and sometimes it's really exciting and rejuvenating. Wherever you are in the process, my prayer is that you won't allow the world and its lies of what you should and shouldn't do stand in the way of discovering genuine freedom to BE, to LIVE fully, and to LOVE every second.

Monday, February 10, 2014

The Luck of the Irish

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, 
for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Oh wow, where do I begin? We are officially on our last week of BVS orientation here in Florida! 

Orientation itself has been a really good experience. For food, we are given $0.75 for breakfast, $1 for lunch, and $1 for dinner. In food groups of 3-4 people we take turns cooking for our group of 15 as a way to learn how to “live simply.” We have talked about issues of poverty, types of conflict, and working styles. We have had several workdays – we have worked at a community center in Orlando, pulled weeds at Camp Ithiel, had “Drop Off Day” where we were dropped in Apopka and told to “Go Serve,” and worked at an Organic Farm in Tampa. I have lived, worked, played, and formed a family with these people who were strangers to me exactly two weeks ago.

Everyone in the orientation group is so so different! I really do appreciate the diversity of our group though; the diverse personalities, viewpoints, lifestyles, and beliefs. It’s a real dose of real life and I learn from it more and more every day. So while all of this group meshing, bonding, and working was going on – in the back of all of our minds was the golden question -- “Where in the world will we be placed?!” 

If I have ever experienced the fear of the unknown it was within the placement process.

I mean I had bought a one-way ticket to Florida…unsure of where I would be next, open and willing to go wherever yes, but most definitely coming to a new understanding of Jesus’ repeated command, “Do not fear.” You better believe stress levels were high for all of us at the beginning. Being the anxious person I am, I got to work right away at scanning over every project file. I took many runs, listened to many songs of encouragement, reminded myself of God’s provision through His Word, and of course, as an extrovert, vented to my new BVS friends. So to say the least, the placement process was stressful.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

I thought I pretty much knew what projects I was interested in, but of course as a group you become influenced by one another. One of my Food Group members voiced interest in my number 1 project, a girl who I was closer with completely changed her mind from South America to New York, the girl I bonded with most had pretty much already locked in one project I was looking at – BAH. 

Now, mind you, in orientation every day seems 14 hours long because so much happens within every hour. So after having my mind toss and turn a million times over I decided I needed to stop and surrender, go to the Lord in prayer and just trust. That being said, I am sooo grateful for those who supported me in this time with their prayers. I strongly believe in the power of prayer – and my placement is testimony to that.

So I had narrowed my projects down to three options, and had sufficiently stressed out when I heard someone else was interested in my number one choice. After talking to the international coordinator, the executive director pulled me aside to show me a message he had received. A project had just opened up last minute, an affiliate of East Belfast Mission – an inner-city ministry that I had been really interested in but was not taking anyone for our winter unit.

Would I be interested?

My head completely swarmed. I had been praying fiercely for open opportunities, for guidance, and ultimately for God’s will to be done. Then BOOM. Open door.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Outwardly, I calmly told my director that I would be interested at looking into the project further. While inwardly, I wanted to run and jump with joy at this new opportunity so suddenly opened for me. I prayed and prayed, and decided to replace my number one project preference with this new project that I still knew little about but felt strongly pulled towards. Over the weekend, I sat down with staff to discuss my preferences, had an interview with the international coordinator, and on Wednesday was told that the project had accepted me.

All of these e-mails were thrown at me about the project and all its details. I was overwhelmed to say the least. I wanted to be sure that this project was truly where God wanted me before giving them any decision, so I told them I would have to pray about everything and would confirm as soon as possible. Suddenly all of these apprehensions rushed to my mind – What if I actually wanted my #2 preference? Maybe I should actually serve domestically first? What if, maybe, blah blah blah.

Eeeerrk, stop. Surrender.

(I’m telling ya, to surrender is most definitely a daily process..an hourly process..)

Okay this is getting way too long and people have probably given up on figuring out where the heck I’m actually going! So anyway the next morning, I wrote the international coordinator – yes, I would accept this new project! When I walked into breakfast I told Callie (staff) about my confirmation and she let me know that they had already booked the flight to my interim project two days before. What?! I was so affirmed to know that staff had so much confidence in me and knew what decision I would ultimately make, despite my inner wishy-washiness.
SO friends – it’s official! I will be serving for two years in Belfast, Northern Ireland. (Fact: Northern Ireland is a different country than Ireland). I’ll be working with Gary Mason, past mission superintendent of East Belfast Mission and the new leader of a program called Journey towards Healing. I will be working with him to improve local and international community relations. I will be staying at Skainos, a community center where ministries for people of all ages and all levels of society come together. The church is at the center of this complex, symbolizing how the body of Christ should be at the center of local outreach and the local community.
My international project will not start until July 1st of 2014 and so I will begin the process of preparing within these next few months. As I wait and prepare I will be serving at an interim project for 5 months in Mill Spring, North Carolina. I will be working for CooperRiis, which is a Healing Farm for those suffering with mental illness, anxiety, and depression. I’ll be living and working alongside residents, maintaining the facilities, building relationships, and just loving people during my time there.

I will try to keep everyone posted to how God works and what He is sure to teach me within these next couple of years. This new project that came out of the blue is one of the most vivid answers to prayer I have ever received, and I know I have many of my prayer supporters to thank for that. This opportunity is only by the grace of God and my one desire is that He may receive the glory with every relationship that is made and work that is done through this mission.

I would love to send out occasional newsletters to those who would like to receive specific project updates from me throughout my time of service. If you would like to receive these e-mails just sign up here: Contact Information Form

If you want to hear more information about the project or would like to support me in other ways before I go, feel free to reach out and message me on Facebook or e-mail me at secaldwell@outlook.com. Love you guys!