Twenty-Three

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Wooh! 23 years young. Most people know that in general, I'm a fan of birthdays - they're like your own personal New Years. A time to look back on the year completed and the year ahead of you. It is just so good to take the time to reflect on God's work in my life; to see His hand in every piece of the year before and to experience a growing trust and hope for His continual presence within this next year.

So what adventures did God take me on and what lessons did I learn in year 22? There were definitely some good moments:

This time last year I was celebrating my birthday in Hong Kong. When I look back to this exact date last year I laugh at God's sense of humor and how He can bring things full circle.

I backpacked China with my sister and learned that not only can we tolerate each other 24/7 but we actually enjoy each other 24/7, she is most definitely one of my favorite travel buddies.

I graduated college ready to be done for good and learned that after less than one year I miss school already and realize Baylor was an incredible training ground that helped lay a faith foundation in my life.

I took a leap of faith in relationship and moved to Indiana. I learned that relationship at the core comes down to making a decision and involves sacrifice - and you have to be willing to do both.

I worked at a homeless shelter and learned a lot about homelessness. I made friends in Winona Lake that exemplified for me what life on mission looks like and inspired me on a whole other level.

I visited my best friend in Virginia and got to see DC for the first time and learned that there is no one in the world like Emily Jones (though I probably already knew that).

I experienced God speaking to me through dreams and learned that He shows up in many different ways in life.

I went through the smoothest break-up of my life and learned that exes really can stay friends.

I finally laid it all down and faced my fears head on in a hospitalization treatment program and learned that compassion and patience should just as much be extended to yourself as it is to others.

I lived at home for the longest time since high school and learned to have peace in taking a "life break."

I landed my first salary job at an international adoption agency and left it all when the Spirit said "No." For the first time, I learned to obey with no plan B or even an understanding of why. I learned to trust my Lord who sees what I do not and who promises to lead me according to His will.

I became a first-time aunt to the most precious baby boy in the world and learned that auntie-life is the best life to have. 

I committed to serve with BVS and went through a 3-week long orientation where I learned that there are many beliefs within Christianity and a humble and listening ear is so valuable to be able to have inter-faith dialogue.

I flew to small-town Mill Spring in North Carolina to serve here at CooperRiis, where I am learning how to work with mental health for the first time and learning the simple farm life.

Now here I am - blown away by all the experiences and changes that I face every year of my life. Reminded of how much I need God in my daily life to be able to sustain in transition and stay grounded in Him. My life may not always be so adventurous and I look forward to that stage in life when I can call a place home, a job my career, a man my husband, and some rascals my kids. But even if one day my life seems "settled" I know that every day is sure to bring new surprises and challenges. I know that God is using this time to prepare me and to teach me how to trust Him in the midst of ever-changing circumstances. To understand with all certainty that His promises are sovereign above all situations and hardships. To rest in the fact that God is my home.

I whole-heartedly believe that the Lord brings good out of everything for those who believe in Him. It blows my mind that Christ would die on the cross for me. That all of the history in the Old Testament came together for God's overarching plan - to bring salvation for all who choose to follow Him. What a priceless gift! The gift I will celebrate the most on this birthday of mine - that I can have life and a relationship with the Creator and have the Spirit dwell within me. Though I deserve death, I am given life and all the blessings within it. Wow, Father, my body shakes with awe and gratitude. How wonderful.

Serving the Un-served.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

So I just had my one-month anniversary here at CooperRiis and my goodness what a time it has been. There has been a LOT going on here at the farm, most of which I cannot talk about. I would love to just ask you all to continue to lift up CooperRiis, the residents and staff, and myself in your prayers. There can be a lot of darkness in a place that handles mental illness, anxiety, and depression. It saddens me to see how people who suffer with these types of illnesses are mostly stigmatized rather than loved in society. We so overly focus our attention to certain charities or demographics - orphans, sex trafficking, poverty, etc. that we tend to abandon the not-so-popular vulnerabilities like mental illness or intellectual disability. Don't get me wrong, I love adorable Chinese babies or the immediate satisfaction that comes from feeding the homeless...but let's face it, we receive a blessing from these acts of justice just as much (if not more) than those receiving it. Sometimes, I think it would be good for us to take a step back and evaluate whether our acts of service stem from pure servanthood or desire for self-entitlement. I mean, we're human...it happens. Yet there's something that rubs me the wrong way when someone says the main purpose they serve is because "it makes them feel good." It's not a bad result, but should it be our number one incentive?

Now different people have different convictions and I think that is one of the beauties of the body of Christ. We all hold different passions and like to serve within those areas, but what if we branched out a little bit more? During morning meeting the other day, one of the staff members encouraged residents to use this time on the farm to channel a new part of themselves, to experiment with something they have never tried. Grew up in the suburbs? Try milking a goat on animal crew. Addicted to soda and junk food? Try an all-organic diet. Have a maid growing up? Scrub the toilets and mop the floors on campus crew. We all grew up in different ways, in different places, bred with different habits and different lifestyles. I am so inspired by people here who grew up in the city and discovered a passion for gardening and agriculture. They went out of their comfort zone to try something unfamiliar and discovered a lifework that they loved and enjoyed.

It makes me wonder how much we might miss out on if we never try new things or allow ourselves to get out of our comfort zones. 

I might be bias. I think the Lord has placed a spirit in me that does enjoy change, that enjoys diversity in people and within work. I have lessened my judgment towards those who may stay in the same place or do the same thing their whole lives - maybe that is part of the spirit that God has placed in them, one of longevity and contentment. But I think we do need to be careful with just how comfortable we allow ourselves to be. I believe that it is often in times of discomfort that we find God. Not to say that you need to jump off a building and break your leg to find the Lord in your pain - but rather to engage in areas of unfamiliarity that allow the Spirit to guide and teach you within the unknown.

I think this applies 100-fold in our acts of service. 

Jesus didn't tell His disciples to be a servant to just the widows or the orphans or the poor. He tells them to be a servant to ALL.

In my first ministry class, I chose to study orphan ministry and I felt very drawn towards this area over others. Course I was a baby. I really hadn't experienced many other areas at all; and so I mostly went with what I thought I would enjoy. As I explored other areas outside of orphan work, I discovered that I have several stigmas that lie within my heart. Several of these stigmas have just recently risen to the surface as I serve a demographic that is often ignored, is one of the more difficult demographics to work with, and may not ever provide a personal satisfaction. Yet I serve because the Spirit has given me a Spirit of power and love and discipline (2 Timothy 1:7) and a desire to spread the hope of Jesus to others - not for my gain, but for theirs and for the glory of His Kingdom. There are many, many different evils in this world and there are many different people who are in need. We can't meet every need, we can't serve every person...but maybe it's time we at least open our minds to advocate for those who don't have many advocates. Maybe it's time we serve wherever we may be led, not just to places that bring us the most personal satisfaction.

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33

We cannot save the world, but we serve a God who has overcome and has offered a way for people to be saved. If we are to be His disciples then we are to serve all - the elderly who resents you, the teenager who curses at you, the cripple whose appearance makes you uncomfortable, the schizophrenic who scares you, the bagger who gives you an attitude, the driver next to you who cuts you off. Our service is not only how we act, but how we react, how we treat others, how we extend love on a daily, hourly basis. Do we lay down our lives or do we expect others to respect us first? Do we favor serving some over others? Do we serve just because it makes us feel good or because we genuinely love God's people and desire to serve them in His Name?

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

As I continue to live and serve here at CooperRiis, the Lord continues to teach me how to be a servant of pure motive and heart. It is most definitely a process, but by His Spirit I learn little by little how to serve people who may hate me in return. How to love those who throw things or curse at me. How to lay down my life over and over that I may reflect a Savior who laid down His own life - not for the righteous, but for the sinners.

Rooted.

So it's March and we're officially immersed within the year of 2014. The holidays and all the hype surrounding them has officially faded, Christmas decorations have been put away (well hopefully), and spring is on the horizon. So what does that mean? Well, that means it's been a few months since we set those New Years Resolutions. Remember those? I know...I sort of already forgot mine too.

One I do remember and a resolution I know many set, is to begin a new Bible plan. Read through the Bible in a year, or two years, or the New Testament in 6 months, so on and so forth. I think it's great that many churches encourage a Bible reading plan as part of your New Years Resolution. What better practice to start off your year then to dig into a book that contains all the wisdom you need, comfort for every circumstance, and a holy experience when you commune with the Spirit as you read.

Has it become like every other New Years Resolution though? Does it die off after the first three weeks?

So, okay story time. When I was a freshman in college and had just re-dedicated my life I went through a bit of a roller-coaster with my faith. I went from radical/highly emotional, Pentecostal-esque believer to luke-warm Christian to questioning Christian within the first two years. I had been through a similar experience within the last decade, fluctuating between fully following Christ with all my heart to doubting it all and preferring intellectualism. I started to wonder whether I would be stuck in this roller-coaster faith my whole life. One day, a member of my sorority stood up in front of one of our meetings and shared with us that she had been struggling with an eating disorder and had fallen into depression. She told us about how she experienced the redemption of Christ and had found healing when she finally decided to take her faith seriously.

I was really humbled by her honesty and it struck a big chord in my heart.

Later, while at the bottom of my roller-coaster - I messaged her and asked what was the turning point? What did it mean to finally "take faith seriously?" I thought I had taken God and my faith seriously so why was I still facing doubts and a constant fluctuation in my faith? She gave me a piece of advice. She told me that I needed to start getting into the Word daily. Not in a legalistic, read 15 chapters a day kind of way; but in an obedient, genuine, I want to know more about Jesus kind of way. She warned me that I wouldn't always feel like it, I wouldn't always be happy when my alarm went off an hour earlier than usual; but that's okay. Our relationship with the Lord is deeper than feelings, but the more obedient we are to spending one-on-one time with Him the stronger our relationship will grow. With that, comes a stronger desire to be in the Word, a better ability to learn how to be still in the presence of God, and a stronger sense of His Spirit that develops within you His wisdom and goodness and love.

When I decided to commit myself to the Word, my faith grew leaps and bounds. When new believers approach me now and ask me how to get started on this faith thing, I smile because I see myself.

We have been designed to need a constant re-fueling of the Lord and His grace. I once heard an analogy that we are like a car and the Lord is the one behind the gas pump. We are designed to run out of gas. It's a wonderful thing, because if we weren't we might drive off into the distance and convince ourselves that we're the ones in charge, we've got this taken care of. But eeeertt, that's not how it works. We must always return to get out tanks filled again and again, which helps continually reminds us of who is the One behind the gas pump and ultimately in control of our journey.

So that's why it is absolutely necessary that we spend time with the Lord and in His Word to be re-fueled and to grow. In Mark 4, Jesus says that many will see but not perceive, hear but not understand. The parable of the Sower describes that some may hear and receive the word, but will fall away quickly because they have no root. Others will hear but the worries of life, deceitfulness of wealth, and desire for other things will come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. And yet others, will hear the word, accept it as truth, and will be fruitful up to a hundred times what was sown (Paraphrase v. 12-20). When we are deeply rooted in God's word, we can finally get off of our roller-coaster and grow steadily in faith.

Jesus says that the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed. Though it is the smallest of all seeds on earth, when it is planted it grows and becomes the largest of all plants. "He did not say anything to them without using a parable. But when he was alone with his own disciples, he explained everything" (Mark 4:34). Jesus grew His disciples in wisdom and understanding in times that He was alone with them. Likewise, it's in our personal time with the Lord and in His word that He grows us and keeps us deeply rooted in Him.

Tomorrow starts the season of Lent. I'm not Catholic, but I like the idea of Lent and have participated it the past few years - either adopting a new behavior or fasting from an old one to grow more dependent on the Lord and be more intentional in my time with Him. I'll be giving up make-up this year and adopting a vegan diet (giving up cheese and eggs will be a big stretch for me!). Along with that though, I have a few prayer practices that I plan on incorporating into my week and want to start being more intentional with having time for prayer and silence before bed at night. I encourage you to think about how you might spend this Lent season! Whether it's picking back up that New Years Resolution to dig into the Word of God, fasting from something that may keep you from personal devotion, or trying out a new prayer or journal practice - it is never ever too late to be intentional with your faith.

Imagine the trees that could grow if we all surrendered our lives and our time to be deeply rooted in the Lord! Together we would form such a beautiful garden and our strong branches would be an even stronger testimony to the world - how God could take such tiny mustard seeds and grow them in a way that would display the fullness of His glory.